i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
my liver is dry heaving
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
