If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
