Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
