What did we do last night that was yellow?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think my moral compass just broke
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