I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just puked most of my soul out..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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