we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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