so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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