Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
