The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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