Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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