the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hippo gnu deer
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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