Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
