I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
