hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
