Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
