watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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