wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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