i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
