heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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