I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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