I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
