hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
