I skipped work to stalk him.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
