my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We got so high we made milksteak
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize