if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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