hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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