I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
