She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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