flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Im part way to drunk.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
