You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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