I looked at my own cervix.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
