hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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