yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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