No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
