i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
