I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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