I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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