finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
