I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
