whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize