The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
