I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
