Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
soo... how was my night?
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