Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
