i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
