shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
