How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
