Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
