soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize