I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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