So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
