my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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