He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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