Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
