I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
