So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
