hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Man, jail baloney is awful.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
