Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
