my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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