How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
