here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
