This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
