sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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