Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
