My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
