Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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