This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize