i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
