i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
