White coat. Heels.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You may now shotgun with the bride
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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