Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
