glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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