I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
