I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
