There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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