Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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