you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
