Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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