Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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