I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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