I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
